Building Your Relationship with Your Child (and Why It Really Matters)
We’ve all heard the saying, “The struggle is real.”
Recently, a friend offered her own version—one that every parent can relate to: “The juggle is real.”
Life is full. Between school runs, work commitments, endless to-do lists and the occasional meltdown (from us or them!), it’s easy to get caught up in the challenges of the day and lose sight of what we’re ultimately aiming for as parents. At the heart of it, we all want the same thing: for our children to thrive, grow into their best selves, and feel secure and deeply loved along the way.
Thankfully, building that strong, nurturing foundation doesn’t require grand, costly gestures or lots of extra time. In fact, it’s often the simplest moments that have the biggest impact—responding to our children’s needs, being present with them, and sharing little moments of connection.
Research consistently shows that when we build secure, positive relationships with our children, they experience a wide range of lasting benefits.
The Benefits of a Strong Parent-Child Relationship
- Higher self-esteem
- Better emotional regulation
- Improved relationships with others
- Greater resilience
- More ‘positive’ behaviour
Enhanced school readiness, learning and academic outcomes,
But here’s something to keep in mind.
The way we parent is often shaped by how we were raised ourselves. This template, or “autopilot”, will feel familiar, but it won’t always align with what current research tells us about promoting best outcomes for children.
That’s why it can be helpful to pause and reflect—checking in on our approaches and, when needed, making small, supportive adjustments.
Gentle Tips to Nurture Connection with Your Child
- Show delight by letting your eyes and face light up, as you turn your body towards your child and provide them with your full attention
- Support ‘just enough’—allow your child space to grow in both their skills and sense of competence, as they try things on their own; rather than doing things for our children, we can ultimately help them more if we offer just as much help as they need, along with our encouragement
- Offer comfort when your child is upset or seeking closeness
- Be present and curious—have conversations, ask questions, and really listen to their answers
- Focus on the good—notice and name their strengths and efforts
- Laugh and play together—shared joy is a powerful connector
- Model calm, kind behaviour—they’re always learning from us
- Face challenges as a team—choose wording that lets them know you’re on their side
- Reflect and learn—we needn’t be perfect (honestly, there’s no such thing – just ask my kids!), but it’s important we take the time to reflect and learn in this new, important role
If you’re finding that anxiety, depression, health issues, relationship stress, addiction (including screen time), financial strain, or other life challenges are affecting your capacity to be the kind of parent you’d like to be, please reach out for support. Asking for help is not only okay—it’s a courageous step that will benefit your whole family.
Yes, the juggle is very real. But rather than wait for things to settle (spoiler: they rarely do!), we can choose to focus on what matters most by ensuring we’re mentally present and responsive to our children’s needs. This doesn’t take more time, nor does it cost more money. Yet by focusing on these relationship foundations, we can feel sure that we’re gifting our children incredible lifelong benefits.
While they might feel unfamiliar at first, these approaches will soon start to feel like second-nature. In fact, they will become our ‘new and improved parenting autopilots’. It’s truly never too late to start having the kind of relationship that you both want and that your children need. Honestly, you’ve got this.
